Past desperation point for singles?

Below is a story I read in Dr. Dobson’s book , Love Must Be Tough,[1]

‘Man Spends $20,000 Trying to Win Hand of Girl Who Can Say No.’[2]

A love struck man holed up in a $200-a-day Washington hotel has spent, at  latest estimate, close to $20,000 demonstrating that he won’t take “no” for an answer to his marriage proposal. On bended knee on Christmas Day, 35 year old Keith Ruff, once a stockbroker in Beverly Hills, proposed marriage to 20 year old Karine Bolstein, a cocktail waitress at a Washington restaurant.  He met her in a shoe store last summer. The pair had gone out a few times over a two month period before the proposal.

Mr Dennis Keith Ruff LOVES Ms.Karine Bolstein.

To his proposal, she looked down and said “No.”Since then, Ruff has remained in Washington and demonstrated his that she reconsider by sending her everything but a partridge in a pear tree.

That may be next. He is, he thinks, “close to spending all of my money.  I’m not an Arab sheik.”

The tokens of his affection include a Learjet, placed on standby at the airport, “in case she wanted to ride around”; between 3,000 and 5,000 flowers; a limousine equipped with a bar and television, parked outside her door; a gold ring; $200 worth of champagne; catered lobster dinners; musicians to serenade her; a clown to amuse her younger brother; a man dressed as Prince Charming bearing a glass slipper; cookies, candy, and perfume; and sandwich sign wearers walking around her home and the restaurant where Bolstein works, conveying the message “Mr Dennis Keith Ruff LOVES Ms.Karine Bolstein.”

Ruff gave her father a basket of nuts and $300 worth of cigars “to pass out to his friends at the Labour Department.  It may sound goofy, but I like him.” He also had flowers delivered to his beloved’s mother, who works at the French Embassy.  “I don’t think her mother likes me.  She called the police, but I’ll keep sending gifts to her also.  How could anyone be so mad?” Ruff says he has not worked in some time, describing himself as being of independent means.  He said he will spend his last dime and will beg for money if he has to, that he will “keep on trying for 10 years, 20 years.  I’ll ask her to marry me 50,000 times.  It doesn’t matter how many times she says no.  I will do everything in my power that’s not absurd or against a reasonable law. I wouldn’t stop if she became a nun.  I’ve never felt this way before!”

Bolstein, meanwhile, said she is flattered, but too young to get married.  She also said the house looks like a funeral parlor. Ruff said, “I don’t want to force her to love me, but I can’t stop.” Ruff said he spends a lot of time in his hotel room planning what to do next and occasionally crying.  He said Bolstein called him once. “But I hung up on her.  I didn’t like what she said.”

Reality to me is disturbing,” he said.  “I’d rather close my eyes and see her face.  I’m living with hope.  And some very big bills.”

I found this to be a very interesting story.  Most of us spend time trying to chase people who we are not meant to be with are simply out of desperation we grab for the nearest person available to us. In this way we end up getting hurt ourselves. No one wants to go out with someone who is desperate for them. We should instead be focusing on building ourselves up and discovering more of who we are and what we can add on to this world. Most women think they need a man to complete them or fill them, but their way of thinking is wrong.  We all as human beings have a need to be loved and appreciated. Until we are happy with ourselves and accepted ourselves fully, that’s when we may find someone who is completely right for us, because they will be attracted to the positive energy we give out.

Desperation is annoying. Trust me I have been there and struggling with it. It can make you do things that are degrading and shaming. Unlike Mr. Ruff here we can avoid all the potential embarrassment, and the wiping out of dignity and self respect, Miss Bolstein now am pretty sure does not find his sight a tad bit attractive, after all the crying out and a million phone calls. Personally I would have taken him to Court.

This scenario also applies to all those people with ex’s, be it ex girlfriend’s or whatever type of ex’s you have. Am sure some people up to now still stalk their ex’s and invade their privacy. That is not attractive. The person was not attracted to you because of your desperation, your moaning, bribing, groveling and stalking so why repeat that. No one is attracted to a person they feel sorry for. I, like Dr. Dobson, would say ‘Goodbye romance’’

My main point is, when you begin to value and respect yourself that is when other people will see your value. There is always time for everything, the time for you to find the right one may not be there yet because everyone has their own time frame. Life is too short to waste it on trivial pursuits so there is so much positive you can do around the world, other than stalking and searching for the one. In fact the one may be met when you’re busy helping out starving children at some local volunteer centre.

So let us respect ourselves and respect theirs and their space too. Also if you have no self esteem go build it up because in this world today you need it, not just for a future partner, but to deal with things life throws at you….

[1] Dobson James Love Must Be Tough, Kingsway Publications, 1989, ch15.

[2] ‘Man spends $20,000 Trying to Win Hand of Girl Who Can Say No’ by Betty Cuniberti, Los Angeles  Times, February 2nd 1982.


6 thoughts on “Past desperation point for singles?

  1. This is a fascinating story. I know, because I knew Ms. Bolstein and the family very well at the time. Certainly, the story made for interesting feature reading. However, it was more of a public relations campaign that seemed touching (or creepy, as Howard Stern sidekick Robin Quivers found it at the time) on the surface – but was in fact a harrowing experience for the family. Unreported by the press was the physical and psychological abusiveness of this criminal – abuse that had resulted in her spurning him, which led to the grandiose public gestures. And to grotesque private gestures: away from the reporters’ view were numerous threatening confrontations at the doorstep of the family home and in the parking lot of the French Embassy, a terrible incident with hundreds of hateful, vulgar handbills placed on car windshields at the Tyson’s Corner shopping center, and weeks of stalking by the “suitor” who goaded police from inches away from the family’s property.

    Wherever this sorry cad finally ended up, it was in disgrace and without Ms. Bolstein.


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